I’m sitting on a beach, drawing a circle around me as to protect me, but with each wave part of my circle disappears so I draw the missing part again. Each wave also buries me deeper into the sand and somehow I feel steadier.
There have been many times when I would build a wall around me as to protect myself from being hurt, being sad, being vulnerable. So there have been countless times when my wall shattered down and I was exposed to the fierceness of the pain that I had felt because the wall was no longer around me, leaving me exposed and vulnerable to whatever comes.
In one of the hardest time of my life so far, I forced myself to go beyond my safe walls, to be exposed to the unknown. Surviving that and even being grateful for these situations made me the person I am in this moment. When I cried in front of strangers just because I had taken a wrong bus and ended up in a city 3 hours from the place I’d originally intended to go, feeling shameful was not what concerned me – it was the hopelessness that overwhelmed me. And even in this state of mind, I found people who kindly helped me to get on the right bus, back to where I needed to go.
This is a parallel of my life – no matter how difficult the situation seems in the moment, I’ve always found people around me who helped me get back on track and encouraged me in finding my own strength.
Instead focusing of building the wall, or drawing a circle around me I want to focus on the becoming steadier with each wave that undermines me. It’s useless to build the same protection over and over again. Rather, by focusing on becoming strong and steady in a place where I am, I can be better prepared for the waves and hardships that come. Because in the end, they come and take just some material stuff around me, destroy my surroundings, but if I am firmly anchored within myself I will be ready to face any wave and its consequences.
Being vulnerable is a trait that helps connecting people because they can relate. I’ve read somewhere that ‘To lay yourself open takes courage, but when there is nothing left to keep hidden, nothing to fear it can be one of the most liberating things you can do for yourself.’
Being vulnerable means being strong not weak.